Nothing can trump the frustration of having a serious crush on someone: the uncontrollable stuttering, uncharacteristic panic, the inability to construct coherent sentences, moments of getting stuck in your head when you should articulate a response, waves of regret in retrospect – thinking up clever retorts you could’ve said instead of smiling sheepishly.
Perhaps all of the above is just me, but when I take a liking to someone, I tend be quite overboard – I mean, I get so deep in my emotions… taking to heart everything said to me by my current interest: the emojis used in iMessage texts, punctuation & general text tone; then, I read between the lines: making conclusions based on body language (the time length of our hugs, the direction of his body when we’re seated, also, intentionally placing objects between us when we’re at a table – waiting to see if he’ll remove the obstructions between us (oh my gosh… This is almost embarrassing!); there are a host of things I do, but the last one I’ll mention is, I often share things I like: sweets, a game of naughts & crosses, a hot beverage or a favourite hangout spot to see if this person is really “my kind” of person.
The last I made mention of this crush phenomenon to a friend, she asked, “do people still have crushes?” & I thought to myself: “have the affections of the heart changed over time?”
Of course not. I am resolute in my belief that everyday, people are standing in solidarity with me in fighting the struggle of the crush: forcefully willing your mind to stop its train of thought about this one person; reminding oneself to keep their feet on the ground & remain in the moment – NOT in one’s head (!); trying, by all means possible, to see the person objectively in an attempt to identify the shortcomings your heart makes you blind to; gradually removing them from the pedestal you’ve placed them on unconsciously & ultimately bringing it back to the fact that this person is human, and is likely to let you down – let alone the fact that your affections may be unrequited.
Crushes are both a thorn in one’s side & a joy. I count it all joy – it’s a passing thing, most times… Unless it’s your future spouse your heart has its eyes on. (Haha! Then you’re in luck!)
What experience came to mind while reading this post? I’m keen to read all about it!